The Trouble With Bright Girls

For women, ability doesn’t always lead to confidence. Here’s why.

Published on January 27, 2011 by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. in The Science of
Success

Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often
find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. We are routinely underestimated, underutilized,
and even underpaid. Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high
levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers.
But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest
hurdles they’ll have to overcome to be successful lies within. We judge our own abilities
not only more harshly, but fundamentally differently, than men do. Understanding why
we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a
step back in time.

Chances are good that if you are a successful professional today, you were a pretty
bright fifth grade girl. My graduate advisor, psychologist Carol Dweck (author of Mindset)
conducted a series of studies in the 1980s, looking at how bright girls and boys in the
fifth grade handled new, difficult and confusing material.

She found that bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or
complex, were quick to give up–and the higher the girls’ IQ, the more likely they were to
throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses.
Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it
energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts, rather than give up.
Why does this happen? What makes smart girls more vulnerable, and less confident,
when they should be the most confident kids in the room? At the 5th grade level, girls
routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science. So there were
no differences between these boys and girls in ability, nor in past history of success. The
only difference was how bright boys and girls interpreted difficulty–what it meant to them
when material seemed hard to learn. Bright girls were much quicker to doubt their ability,
to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result.

Researchers have uncovered the reason for this difference in how difficulty is
interpreted, and it is simply this: more often than not, bright girls believe that their
abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can
develop ability through effort and practice.

How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the
kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who
develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for
their “goodness.” When we do well in school, we are told that we are “so smart,” “so
clever, ” or ” such a good student.” This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness,
cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you don’t.

Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay
attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot
more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., “If you would just pay attention you could
learn this,” “If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.”) The net result:
When learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren’t “good”
and “smart”, and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.

We continue to carry these beliefs, often unconsciously, around with us throughout our
lives. And because bright girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and
unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves–women
who will prematurely conclude that they don’t have what it takes to succeed in a
particular arena, and give up way too soon.

Even if every external disadvantage to a woman’s rising to the top of an organization is
removed–every inequality of opportunity, every chauvinistic stereotype, all the
challenges we face balancing work and family–we would still have to deal with the fact
that through our mistaken beliefs about our abilities, we may be our own worst enemy.
How often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to
goals you knew would be easy for you to reach? Are there things you decided long ago
that you could never be good at? Skills you believed you would never possess? If the list
is a long one, you were probably one of the Bright Girls–and your belief that you are
“stuck” being exactly as you are has done more to determine the course of your life than
you probably ever imagined. Which would be fine, if your abilities were innate and
unchangeable. Only they’re not.

No matter the ability–whether it’s intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or
athleticism–studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering
any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright
Girl, it’s time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact
that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that
you lost so long ago.

Give your daughter the knowledge and skills
she needs to become her own best friend
instead of her own worst enemy.

Marty Callahan has spent his life understanding and improving the lives of students both young and old. His passion led to the founding of Shotokan Karate Leadership School in Santa Rosa, CA in 1981 with a dream to awaken the extraordinary leader in his students. Having inspired, taught, coached, supported, and trained over 15,000 students in 40,000 classes in Santa Rosa, Marty has become Sonoma County’s preeminent martial arts leadership instructor. His students, hundreds of whom have gone on to become leaders in their chosen fields, appreciate his engaging, student centered approach to teaching and they believe you will too.